She Is A Nice

I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”

I am going to write about my best little friend called Aisha ( Majramti) , I was Siting down and thinking of her how she is Kind and Nice with me , she is so cute lovely girl I love the way when she speaks , she is about 14 years old but when you talk with her you will feel that you are talking to a women not a Teenager girl , I never thought that we will be a best friend , she as well never thought that .. All night we are staying together and keep talking until morning when I miss the person who I love, I found her next to me. we have same crazy things , the best thing about us we are saying Openness thing and never try to lie to each other maybe we hide things but we don't lie to each other. she Loves Harry potter too much but I think she is crazy about it , We made group called Criminals ( Majreameen ) that's group Consists of 3 people me and her one of them , those criminals are doing funny crazy things and stay up all the night like vampires who if any1 from our family stay up with Us that person can be one of us , she has a big heart can feel that she Loves me like I do, the funny thing we have a secret words with us no1 can understand it ..her Personality is wowo I can say we things which are same , I told her If i want to back to there I Will just back to see her and have nice time together like what we do when there is countries between us One day we will meet. I don't know where she is today I haven't see her On even this night I hope she is will be good where ever she is and have what ever she wants.I love my world with her , we have a crazy world , she is a part of this world . In My World there is Aisha , she is all mY lIfe , she is the person who makes me Happy .. I love her so Much.

I try to write how much I love her but I couldn't cuz my words aren't enough for that.. Aisha I try to do my best to show you how are spacial for me and all of you.

If you want sOmething badly let it GO, If itz comes back to u then itz going yours 4ever but If it doesnt then itz never GoING to be yourz

just talking to myself about how much I miss you , um looking at my places are empty without you everything is ugly like me. I cant forget you at all every Min's you are in mind I am breathing your air , I love your world I love thinking of you , I love Missing you , you are in my Mind and soul, I miss that person who cared about me when I try to think of other person I cant Imagine that thinking of other person cuz you are so special and wonderful , look at your self how nice you are how your words are cute your smile I love it ,,,, I need you NOW like nothing can be without you , before you said to me when you feel lost just close your eyes and take deep breath then say my name you Will find me next to you , last call was more then nice I was crying like a child between your hands . you were so kind with me. oh I cant tell how much I love you.even when I was sad from you , you made me happy and forget everything , we used to say that No one can understand our Relationship cuz we are happy . I love your fault . I love when you are try to hide something and try to lie but you couldn't that's can tell me how much you are honest. I am looking to the Perfume which you gave it to me. I am happy with you I want live all my life with thinking and loving you cuz I am On that even if I know that I am out of your Life but I feel happy cuz the feeling in my heart is true feeling, I Will pray for god to save you and give you all what you want enough for me that you are happy and alive in this world.

Disappear .....

Here I am , standing in the night by darkeness , asking myself where did you go ,You always seem to disappear. You've left me again,Alone with all my fear, I dont know if I should call you mine Or Um yours , You are fading,Away from me.I need you here,To set me free. you said to dont cry even for me But now you're gone. I need you back,It's been too long. you Just been here then Disappear , i try to hold back tears everynight but I cant.I watch you now as you disappear , you are leaving back nothing but a invisible face with some words , i put on a smile to just let myself know that you were here then disappear. watch me now, cry invisible tears Like you when you disappear . watch me watch me! i'm gonna disappear with you .

In this moment I need you but you are disappear , I want to smell and touch you but you are disappear, that you chose to resisti see a smile smirk arcoss your face as you watched me disappear into spacei faked a smile. i held back tears i cut open my vein. and you let me disappear for ever thats going to be better than Live in the world with hurt and pain from you .

I will Love you to end of my life even if you are disappear . I will wait for that day when you be here and not Dissapear..

ThInking Of you

I am just thinking of you and thinking of days that we spent together last year on this Month , thinking of words thinking of speech thinking of every thing which I cant write because its just in my heart and in your memory ... I cant let any one come to my life and heart like you because that Will kill me so much and hurt if i let someone I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read and all the friends I want to see. you should now that
Somewhere someone is thinking of you. Someone is calling you an angel. This person is using celestial colors to paint your image. Someone is making you into a vision so beautiful that it can only live in the mind. Someone is thinking of the way your breath escapes your lips when you are touched. How your eyes close and your jaw tightens with concentration as you give pleasure a home. These thoughts are saving a life somewhere right now. In some airless apartment on a dark, urine stained, whore lined street, someone is calling out to you silently and you are answering without even being there. So crystalline. So pure. Such life saving power when you smile. You will never know how you have cauterized my wounds. So sad that we will never touch. How it hurts me to know that I will never be able to give you everything I have. Late at night when all the world is sleeping, I stay up and think of you. I wish upon the stars, that somewhere you are, thinking of me too.
how were nice our night together we didn't stop talking until morning , we won't to close the phones and stop talking we just wanted to be together all life and nights .. like this day last year in the night you called me to say to me Happy birthday and asked me whats my wish for my birthday I wouldn't like to tell you because I know you knew it and now I am asking my self about my wish this year and wondering if it will be the same or not, why I am asking my self I am already know what I want , its same thing ans simple but hared in the same time. today night I Will wait for your call like last year not just tonight but every night of this day I will wait and nothing will change with me or with my feeling Even though you're not here and nowhere to be found, my heart says you're still here and everywhere to be found. So, here I am, all by myself, thinking of you - no one else. There's a feeling inside and as hard as I try, it just won't go away.

Do you know something I want to smell you right now you will smile if you know that , do you know something Elsa I want to be your daughter because is better for me if you be my father because I want you to love me in any ways.

I am waiting and hoping and wishing for the time, when we can be together again!.. I Miss your voice your smile your speech I love the way when you talking ,, everybody can see that I am speaking like you ..
Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell.

I want ask you or asking my self , Why I want to you right now like nothing to be without you, sorry I couldn't hide my feeling this time .. I Will be waiting for nothing that will happen again . I will lie to my self that you here ,there and everywhere in my life Like what you said to me before .. Will read your Msgs everyday and night and never thorough away .. I will slit en to song that we listened together and sing it together . I will look at into the window and showing you the sky and raining ....I Will wear clothes that you love everyday the colour I will do everything we did by my own without you.. I will ask about you I will look at your pics every moment .Time goes by a lot slower when you miss the one you love.

This post from me to myself.............

كونــــــــ لى أبآ و لا تكـــــــــن لى حبيبنــــــــــــآ

• 
  
  طفلة هى تمرح بين عيونة السوداء يحبها حب اب لى بانتة فاريته يحبنى كم يحبها
• اخاطب نفسى كا مراهقة تبحث عن حب و لكن لا ارى نفسى الا ان اريد ان اكون تلك طفلة
  
• طفلة هى تمرح و تلعب فى بستان حبة الملونة و ياريت لى روحه ان تعلم بانى اموت غيضآ من تلك طفلة
  
• انا التى تمزج البحر و بى جنونة و تحولاتة و لكن لا تعرف كيف ان تحبها مثل تلك طفلة
  
• شعرت بغيره العاشق للهوى و لكن اين هو العاشق فى صفحات الحياتى
  عواصفنا هى تجرى فى عروقى و دماءحمراء هى التى ابكى مزالت ابحث عن الحب الطفلة لك
• ياريتنى لوحة تلك الطفلة التى ر سمت ياريتنى عبارة عن خطوطآ من مزيج خيلك تناقش على اورقك
• اريد فقط ان تحبنى كا تلك الطفلة لا اريد بأن اكون هامش مسودآ على ارفوف مكتبتك
• عاشقتك و ماذا فعلت بى نفسى هواك كالرياح العتية التى تلطم و جهى ثم تختفى تعود من غير ميعاد
• اين انت الان هل انت مع تلك الطفلة هلى تمرح معك هل ترسم لها لوحتنا جديدة هل تخبرها قصتنا هل تراى فى عينها الملاك
• اين انا الان هل انا جلسة على شاطىء من الرمل انظر الى غروب الشمس و اتمن حضورك و معك تلك طفلة
• اشتاق الى حنان الطفولة فاكون لى ابآ كا تلك الطفلة ولا تكون عاشقآ لى
• احببتك حبا الجنون الطفلة لى الالعابها رسمتك على حائط مثل ما ترسم الطفلة خيالها
• خطوطآ هى مشاعرى و كلماتنا على سطرو من الوهم رسمتك عليها وابكى خربشت بين تلك اسطر
• فارجوك كون لى أبآ ولا تكن لى حبيبنآ
  

I am Fighting with Myself

I really feel that I'm get Tired of fight with myself . I try to show to my self there is still chance in everything in this Life ,benefit of the doubt.sometimes people disappoint you, sometimes they surprise you but you never really get to know them until you listen to what's in their heart, That's what happening to me Now , I am fighting with my self to see what in My hearts and Mind , and What I want in this Life , I'm fighting myself to get this Out of my head but I'm hanging onto every word you said and What I am saying to my self. I couldn't help my self to stop fighting but I wonder what it was about this ?!. It's a horrible feeling,holding on when you know that you are fighting with your self and try to let everything go without thinking of words that passed and never back again, Looking in the mirror asking my self why , how and where ?! then fighting !!! I am Listening to sound of my tears ...why!!! I am siting now blame my self ...why I am blaming my self how!!
Looking for good future how can I have it , why I am Looking for good future ...Is that wrong when you want more then your energy ,Why I am reading these Messages again , Why I am crying for , Why I cant sleep , why I am Disappoint, why I am Hurting my self by asking my self ??? shall I Give Up and Leave everything go without asking , do I Crazy or the world we Live is Crazy ? why I cant forget your words and get everything out off my head ? I am feeling Tired and I don't know why...!!!!

Jun

Jun is One Of my favourite Month , No just because I was Bron in this Month but it always my Happy things happened in this Month even Last year One of dreams but this dream didn't stay for Long time because it was just a dream then it will Gone Like any dream we have in night ,however it was so nice and a wonderful feeling that I would like to never have it again ,by the way always my happiness happened in the end of Jun it always by 20 to 29 not just happiness but I could say stranger thing that I will never think that will happen and might be change my life.

after Jun , I Like September as well and I think all my special people were Bron in this Month even famous, but it not like Jun for me..

Jun is summer time and I love night of the summer the smell of the summer ,, I love every thing in summer , thatz why I love the first month of the summer and last month of it.

In the end of June 2006 I came to England and that was the biggest thing that would happen to me and that's mean I Will have new life and everything would change. I can say England changes all my life and every day I learned new thing.

every year there is something special , I am wondering now what will happen? but I hope that dream will back to me again ye Rabi..

People In Our Life .......................

Always

Its always be so hard when there is a goodbye ..there is always a tear in the eyes and in the heart when we lose someone we love or a close friend or someone in the family...its hurt and make us have so deep pain inside us from missing them... but at the same time we keep try have hope that this person to come back again and have him in our life ...tears and pain can never kill the hope when we have big faith in this hope and in this love that is inside us ...sometime we pray and other time we sit watch them from far away and other times we might just go and talk to them and put everything behind to build new start ..but some others they would try to forget and to go over what they had ...but i will keep wonder if we can ever go over something become pig part of us ...even if they wasn't live with us but they live inside us .. always ...

Crying In the Dark

The Tears were not ever been the weakness Of Human Feeling but it is showing the nobility of the human , When the eyes has treas On it that's mean behind this eyes Heart.

It was Tears Night , My Room was dark and Cold I started to tremble Once I looked to the window even My Little friend at the Night wasn't there that Night , I could hear the wind outside the sound of the wind , it was like someone scream and sacred form something coming , with the wind`s sound was some of drink people walked in the street they were laughing and CRYING, there was feeling of loss and not knowing whether or not to show emotions. It's a feeling of confusion and isolation, I was afraid to show emotions . In Once that I can hear myself cry, but nobody else can. I felt alone and sacred Long time I haven't seen My Tears but those tears was from my pain and Hurt , Suddenly I sat down On my bed touch my Face , it was wet ,I was afraid and saying whats happening to me why I am crying for? I try ed to break my thoughts and through away but I couldn't , What would it be like to stay there forever?To be lost in all my cares? No answer to my Question , I pulled my Pillow and hugged , like I was trying to hide my emotions and to tell my self that I am not weak but I was Weak , couldn't hide my tears and No one Can See them. My tears were On my face my pillow was wet like my face like it was crying when I am cry , Watch as this tear falls into empty space ,See it fall into life's nameless place , then I wondered that it's now time to cry. A shudder, a scream, darkness envelops your soul The darkness of the night has taken its toll .

All Of us have tears and that's Mean behind these Tears is Onething , it is called Heart. but I wondering now Where is Our Heart Going?!